Leave the Gym Resolutioners Alone

Yes

Sass & Balderdash

We’ve all seen them. There could be one next to you right now on the treadmill holding on for dear life and hiking up a level 15 incline. You may have spotted one inquisitively eying a BOSU ball, wondering what manner of cruel and unusual punishment a semi-circle could possibly deliver. They’re the Resolutioners who have taken your gym by storm this January to get started on their weight loss and fitness goals, and they haven’t received the warmest of welcomes.

I used to be a Resolutioner. In fact, I can say with confidence that “losing weight” or “eating better” was probably my staple resolution from the year 2003 through 2011. When it comes to my New Year’s resolutions, it was probably only surpassed in frequency by “This year I’m going to have a boyfriend,” or “This year I’m committing to not being so quiet and weird.”

I never stuck to it. I’d show up to the…

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What Will It Take?

I always ask myself this question. I never have the answer, not the answer that works anyway. I am the biggest I have ever been (at 238 lbs) and still have done nothing (really) to change it.

What will it take? I am almost 30 years old! Is this really how I want to spend the next decade of my life? I don’t even remember what it was like to be under 200 Lbs. It’s been…over 3 years since I saw 199 on the weigh scale.

I have no excuse, none. I’ve had gym memberships, personal trainers, the right food/clothes/shoes/tools…everything! I am addicted to food.

Hi, my name is Freedom and I am a foodoholic.

“When Are You Due?” and My New Fitbit

WOW! For the 4th time since I had my son (in March), I have been asked when my baby was due.

I get it, I do. My uterus never shrank back in the way it should have and I gained weight after losing it all during birth…it happens. But let me tell you – as much as it mostly doesn’t bother me, “I’m not pregnant, no. I just have a big belly“, when I sit down and think about it…it sucks. I do my best to move on, I know they don’t mean any harm, I genuinely DO look pregnant!

On the flip side, I received my Fitbit yesterday and am wearing it today. It’s pretty nifty – counting steps and calories and all. I bought one for myself, my fiance’ and my best friend. Of course i got the hot pink band but unfortunately I also got the small size. Mistake. It did fit but just barely. It hurt because it was so dang tight. The device itself came with two bands, large and small, both black. The hot pink band was an included accessory. So, here I am, wearing my new Fitbit, in black, in large. Another constant reminder that I am bigger than I think I am.

Introduction

For now, until I am more comfortable sharing, I will remain anonymous (as much as the web will allow of course). I can, however, tell you a little about myself and what I hope this blog will accomplish. This may run on a bit so beware.

I am 29 years old. I have two boys (aged 5 and 9 mos). I am engaged to be married this June after 6 years of bliss and struggle. My favorite color is pink, though you wouldn’t know it unless I told you and I am quite sociable.

Ever since I was 12 or 13 years old, I feared being fat. At the time, I knew I wasn’t actually fat but I was scared of it. Once, when I was getting dressed in a brand new bra, I asked my mom if the strap gave me “back fat”. Why at 13 should I care about back fat? Anyway, even though I was (and still am) fearful of looking huge, I was quite confident and vain on the outside. I wore two piece bathing suits and tube tops (with no bra). I even asked my mom, “what about me do you wish you could have?” (or something like that). That fear of being ugly though…always lingered.

I had issues with acne in Junior High and begged my mother to but me Proactiv. I would sit on the counter in front of the bathroom mirror, crying, “PLEASE!”. All she would say to me was, “you’ll grow out of it”.

At 17, I enlisted in the United States Army and spent a good 8+ years of my life committed to my Country. It was there, though, that I believe my “eating disorder” began to fester. I say it like that because I think I always had an issue with eating or eating too much but I learned some new habits while in Basic Combat Training (BCT) or Basic for short.

The purpose of Basic was to train and prepare civilians into fit and ready Soldiers. For 9 weeks I slept, ate and did PT (Physical Training). We had 3 meals a day and I remember that’s how I got through it all. Schedule was important. I had a watch and remember always looking at it to see if the next meal was soon. I had to be incognito about it though. During combatives on the rubber tire field, I glanced to see if it was almost breakfast time. It was still dark out so I had to use the back lit light. One of the Drill Sergeants saw and out came the “YOU GOT SOMEWHERE TO BE, PRI’ATE?” because as many veterans know, Drill Sergeants never pronounce the V. “No Drill Sergeant!” I replied.

Breakfast was by far my most favorite meal! Sausage, french toast sticks with syrup and prepackaged cereal with milk. This is where my bad habits really began.

As a child, I was a very slow eater. Many times finding myself asleep at the table and always the last one to finish. In Basic Training, this was no longer the case. I learned to eat anything I put on my plate in less than 10 minutes (usually 6-7 minutes really). In the Dining Facility, aka DFAC, there was no time to talk, chew or look anywhere but at your plate.We sat down, swallowed and moved out. As an adult, I still shovel food in the same manner, like it’s going out of style. Sometimes it’s because the food is good but mostly it’s because I’m used to doing it. That’s problem #1.

Problem #2 is portion control. Because I eat everything so fast, my stomach has no time to tell my brain it’s full before I grab a second or even a third plate. Just the other night I literally had 3 plates of Spicy Chicken Alfredo, THREE! Problem #3 is food choice. Living with my dad as a single parent wasn’t easy – for either of us. However, he did his best. He prepared healthy meals and I was always such a picky eater. I’ve always hated vegetable and anything green. So when I became an adult, I could eat annnnyyyyyything I wanted, and I did. Fast food was my best friend along with soda and sugar, three things my dad never served or allowed at home (with the exception of kool-aid)

So, here I am today, trying to teach my oldest son about healthy eating while scarfing a cookie, or 5, when he’s not looking. I’m a hypocrite, a fat, lazy hypocrite.

2015, my 30th year – I need to change. I need to change mostly for me but for my kids as well. Hopefully the fiance’ will join too.

Day Zero

Hi. I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time. Over the years I have bought really cute (pink) journals to write my experiences, troubles, successes and just other random things in. I have done online journals before (uJournal, LiveJournal, Blurty) but never has anything really stuck. Maybe this will, maybe it won’t.

I am by no means a professional writer. In fact, one of the things I hate the most about college is writing papers. In grade school I was one paper away from making student of the month. It was supposed on George Washington Carver. I remember the warm tears burning my face when Mr. Gross, my 5th grade teacher, told me that I didn’t make the cut. Sorry George.

So, here’s to another fresh start, who knows where it will go.